Oh, relationships… they’re complicated things. And many times, in order to stay in one, we tell ourselves all sorts of lies in an attempt to feel that something “meh” is “great.” So what are some of the top fibs you should look out for? We’ve rounded up the top 20
This is categorically not true. Every couple fights—even the happy ones. The big difference is in how partners discuss disagreements. Happy couples tend to do so seeking resolution to a certain problem while those who are unhappy tend to point fingers, blame and call each other names.
Dating and being in relationships make up a huge part of the human experience, which means our love life can impact our social capital. Plus, most people care about what those closest to them think about their love interests; if your best friend doesn’t like someone, it’s probably for a good reason.
Fairy tales have given people a skewed understanding of what relationships actually look and feel like. For most folks, love evolves over time alongside trust. Jumping ship because an initial Prince or Princess Charming vibe wasn’t there will only do you a disservice.
You should be together all the time
Can you imagine spending your life attached at the hip to someone else? The thought is probably a little unnerving—with good reason! We grow and evolve because we take time for ourselves. Even when in a relationship, that’s key, so don’t be afraid to ask for space when you need it.
A long relationship makes a happy relationship![A long relationship makes a happy relationship]()
The length of time you’re with someone does not guarantee you’ll be happy now or forever. What does is how you interact with one another and choose to build your lives together.
Divorce is inevitable
No, it’s not. Just because a large percentage of the population ends up splitting doesn’t mean you and your partner will. Going into any relationship thinking it will end is just a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your partner will change![People with PTSD may not be emotionally stable]()
Not. True. Ever. Traits are a fundamental part of who we are, note researchers. We can all do little things to shift them in various directions or kick bad habits, but it takes a lot of work. If you’re trying to change someone, you’re not only wasting your time, you’re wasting theirs.
Relationships aren’t hard
Whoever came up with this fib (then shared it with their friends) should really have spoken to a therapist before opening their mouth. Speak with any trained relationship expert or anyone who’s ever been in a couple and they’ll tell you that being in a partnership is a lot of work. Relationship happiness is earned.
Red flags can be ignored![Red flags can be ignored]()
Um, no, they can’t. If your gut tells you something is off with your partner or relationship, then there probably is. Nagging concerns won’t go away—even after you’ve discussed them with your partner. They exist for a reason, so don’t waste months or years of disappointment wondering whether they can be fixed away.
Being committed is better than being alone
This is never true. Being unhappy alone is always better than being unhappy in a relationship. Plus, being tied to someone who makes you unhappy only means you’ll keep yourself from finding that person who will make your heart sing.
There are standard relationship roles![There are standard relationship roles]()
Way back when, in the ‘50s and ‘60s, relationship roles were definitely differentiated along gender lines, but that’s no longer the case. Today, good relationships are those that work for both parties and those in which partners show up for each other regardless of circumstance.
It’s OK to lie every so often
Some argue there’s a time and place for lying to your partner (in the form of little white lies), while others say couples should be nothing but honest with one another. Psychology Today notes it’s important to discuss the concept with your partner so you’re at least on the same page. “If you’re going to lie to your partner and, conversely, not mind being lied to, you need to set up some ground rules. Preferably, you do this early in the relationship before walls built by lies become too entrenched,” Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne notes.
You’ll never think about anyone else![You’ll never think about anyone else]()
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could be completely devoted to our partner and never think about anyone else either intimately or sexually? Unfortunately, the idea is a fallacy given that being attracted to others—in passing or seriously—is a biological impulse. What matters is how you act on those feelings.
You have to be ready to find a partner
While you’ll want to ensure you’re not still in love with an ex before jumping into another relationship, you don’t need to be 100 per cent ready to start dating again, note researchers. Saying you’re not ready will only ensure you talk yourself out of potentially beneficial and fulfilling situations.
You deserve something for being a good partner![You deserve something for being a good partner]()
The truth is there are only a few things you should expect in a relationship—and they have nothing to do with how you treat your partner. (They include respect, compassion, intimacy and interest.) It’s your job to treat your partner in the same way you’d want to be treated—without reward.
You can fix something that’s broken
Oftentimes relationship issues are so large there’s no real way to fix them. It happens to everyone. But that doesn’t mean you should stay put. “This is the most deceiving lie because it can lead to over-analyzing the broken pieces. Was it just a chip? Completely shattered? Or perhaps a clean break that just needs a little TLC?” notes StyleCaster. “But the truth is, it’s still broken. If it wasn’t broken to begin with, you wouldn’t have to convince yourself it’s fixable.”
Babies are a must![Babies are a must]()
Babies are a want for some couples, and a nuisance for others. There’s no reason to think, just because you’re in a relationship, the next step should be conception. It’s your life and that of your partner that matters. If you’re happy sans baby carriage, shut out the voices of others.
I’m a better person than my partner
Truth? No, you’re not. We all enter into relationships with baggage and past lives, so thinking this to be true will only set your coupledom up for failure.
You should change to make it work![You should change to make it work]()
When we first fall in love, we tend to think very highly of our partners in spite of their traits; that changes over time and slowly we start to begin resenting them. (It’s fact.) But that doesn’t mean you have to change to resolve issues. What you need to do is sit down and discuss things—either with your partner alone or with the help of a counsellor.
It’s OK to be sad or in pain
Being in a partnership that’s nice and feels fulfilling is a baseline requirement to stay in it. If you wake up feeling hurt or sad or even in pain, it’s time to evaluate what you’re actually getting from your relationship and whether it’s something you should stay in. Every coupling has bad moments, but those should never outweigh the positive.
