Searching for happiness in your relationship? Scientists have spent decades researching what makes stable, satisfying relationships and we have the answers! Whether you are looking to strengthen your marriage or feel good about your current situation, these 20 characteristics all contribute to the happiest relationships.
Texting is not good for relationships. In a 2013 study from Brigham Young University, it was discovered that there is such a thing as too much texting. Quick texts to check in on your partner are fine and might have some positive benefits, but conducting serious conversations through texts can lead to a lower relationship quality. If you have something important to say, skip the text.
Debating about having children? It turns out that couples without children have happier marriages. The research project by the Open University studied 5,000 people of all ages, statuses, and sexual orientations.
They discovered that childless couples were more satisfied with their relationship, which included feeling more valued by their partner. However, it should be noted they also found that the group of mothers were significantly happier with life than any other group in the study.
If your relationship starts out with some conflict, it might benefit you. In a 2012 Florida State University study, it was found that couples who are openly “angry but honest” at the beginning of their relationship were actually happier in the long term. While it is widely assumed that early relationships should be smooth, it was shown that learning to work out issues early on could be a good thing.
If a “firstborn” marries a “lastborn,” the odds are in their favor. The University of Erlangen-Nuremberg in Germany studied 3,000 families and realized there is a relationship benefit when opposites attract in terms of birth order. In fact, the best match in a heterosexual relationship is when the firstborn is female and the lastborn is male. If you are two firstborns, you might have to navigate a power struggle.
If you have been slacking on household chores, it is time to step it up. A 2007 Pew Research Poll reported that 62 percent of adults say that sharing household chores is very important to a successful marriage.
The poll showed almost no difference in opinion between men or women, younger or older adults, and single or married people. Sharing household chores made the “top three” list of issues associated with a successful marriage, beating out issues like income, housing, and common interests.
Researchers with the University of Queensland questioned over 34,000 people and discovered that gay and lesbian couples are happier than straight couples. The study discussed this result might be due to the fact that gay couples are less determined to stick to rigid gender roles, and that they might feel more connected to a specific community. This was not the first study performed to indicate the same findings.
In heterosexual relationships, couples were more satisfied if they had a feminist partner. A 2007 Rutgers University study of more than 500 people found that both men and women benefited from having a feminist partner. For women, it was linked to a healthier relationship overall. For men, it was linked to a more stable relationship and greater sexual satisfaction. Feminism really does benefit everyone!
Small acts of kindness are essential in a healthy and happy relationship. In a study from the Open University, it was shown that people feel the most valued in their relationship when their partners provide small acts of kindness. Acts can include saying “I love you,” or making a partner a simple cup of tea. It is the little acts that go a long way.
You might just be the sum of your five closest relationships. It turns out that you are 75 percent more likely to get divorced if one of your close friends or relatives has gone through a divorce. If a friend of a friend has had a divorce, you are 33 percent more likely to get one too.
The study was conducted by Brown University, Harvard University, and the University of California at San Diego. One theory is that a close divorce alerts people to their own relationship issues and puts the possibility of divorce on the table.
Apparently, it is beneficial to have a husband feel like they have “lucked out” by marrying a more attractive partner. A 2013 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that when men viewed their wife as more attractive, it benefited both people in the relationship. Men were happier overall and more likely to care about their partner’s needs, which resulted in their partner being happier too!
There have been several studies that indicate marriage, as a whole, is beneficial for happiness, but having your spouse be a friend has been shown to be even more beneficial.
People who consider their spouse as a best friend are almost twice as satisfied in their marriage than people who do not consider them to be their best friend. The National Bureau of Economic Research in Canada conducted the study that showed this friendly advantage.
In 2013, Facebook released a report that analyzed 1.3 million users. Part of this analysis was about relationships and the relation to social networks. During a relationship, social networks often merge, with each person introducing their partner to their friends and coworkers.
Couples with overlapping social networks on Facebook tended to be less likely to break up. The ideal friendship scenario was that each partner had their own friend circle but the two circles ended up overlapping.
Despite the fact that opposites attract, the happiest couples tend to spend money in a similar way. Researchers found that when it comes to money, many people tend to gravitate towards their “money opposite.”
However, this can cause issues in a relationship because of the discrepancy of spending habits. Money issues can be worked out but the best option is to find someone who likes to save or indulge in the same ways you do.
Sexual activity has been shown to strongly influence happiness. In a 2004 study that interviewed 16,000 adults, it was shown that increasing sexual activity from once a month to once a week increased happiness levels.
In fact, the increase in happiness was comparable to the happiness someone might experience from making an extra $50,000 a year. The takeaway? Have sex with your partner at least once a week.
How you respond to your partner’s good news can have an enormous effect on your relationship. A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed a benefit to celebrating your partner’s accomplishments.
If you celebrate them as if they were your own accomplishments, your partner ends up being more satisfied in the relationship. Being your partner’s cheerleader and celebrating good news can really make a difference.
Did you know there is an optimal ratio of positive to negative interactions? According to researchers at the University of Washington, stable marriages have five times more positive interactions than negative ones.
If you provide five positive moments for every one negative moment, then you have the ideal ratio in your relationship. When the ratio starts to drop, the risk for divorce increases. This five-to-one ratio has success in other aspects of life as well.
Couples that do not have similar drinking habits have a higher rate of divorce. A 2013 study from the University of Buffalo indicated that it is the difference in drinking habits that had more of an effect than the drinking itself.
In couples where there was only one heavy drinker, the divorce rate was 50 percent. In couples where both partners were either heavy drinkers or both did not drink, the divorce rate was 30 percent. Discrepancy in drinking habits leads to more marital dissatisfaction.
Doing something different every week can make a big difference in your relationship. One study compared two groups of couples: one group did exciting date nights and one group did “pleasant” date nights.
The group that had exciting nights showed an increase in marital satisfaction. Spicing up date night can go a long way! Write down a list of things you want to try and knock them off that list together.
Has your partner helped you learn new things? “Self-expansion” is the idea that individuals accumulate knowledge and experiences within a relationship. New activities, traits, and behaviors become part of someone’s identity.
Research from the Monmouth University shows the more “self-expansion” that occurs within a relationship, the more satisfied people are within that relationship.
It is time to start getting a full night’s sleep! Research from the University of Arizona in 2009 found that sleep and relationships are intertwined. The study showed that men feel more positive about their relationships when they get better sleep, as quickly as the next day.
For women, problems in the relationship were associated with poor sleep. Unfortunately, sleep can affect the relationship, which in turn affects sleep. Another reason to stop setting alarms on weekends.
