- A psychological counsellor challenged parents to be open to conversations with their children to understand if they perceive them as toxic or not
- The expert saying this knowledge would help parents know and accept their weaknesses and be willing to right the wrongs to make their relationship with their children thrive
- She observed that some parents were unknowingly harmful to their children by virtue of being victims of toxic parents and self-awareness could help them mend broken ties
- Trizah Muhu advised parents against delegating all of their parental responsibilities to their children as it would rob them of their childhood and alter their personality negatively
A recent tiff between blogger Xtian Dela and his mother Naomi Nyongesa laid bare the silent strife between parents and their children.
Xtian Dela accuses mother of being toxic
Earlier this month Dela, born Arthur Mandela Nyongesa, openly accused his mother of being a toxic parent after the latter claimed that he had cut her off.
These accusations ignited a productive conversation on social and mainstream media besides public spaces.
In the public discourse, some people acknowledged that some parents’ actions were toxic to their parents.
Others, however, perceived the toxic parenthood topic as a narrative to justify pride, selfishness and disrespect by some people towards their parents.
TUKO.co.ke had a detailed interview with counselling psychologist Trizah Muhu from Aviva Mental Health Services, who acknowledged that parents are toxic but exuded hope that this was a social issue that could be gradually but fully addressed.
Toxic parents unaware they are harming children
Sharing her own story of being raised by parents whose parents had been subjected to negative colonialism effects to the extent of one taking their own life.
Muhu was clear that parents do not necessarily choose to harm their children, with some of them being victims of toxic parenthood, urging for deliberate efforts to mend broken ties between parents and their children.
How to overcome toxicity between parents and children
Muhu disclosed that she had interacted with many clients whose mental health, self-esteem and personalities had been negatively affected by elements of toxicity from their parents and advised that conversations are key in kickstarting this recovery and preventive journey.
“It is advisable that parents to start having conversations about toxicity like other social issues. This makes them self-aware of their status thus able to begin right their wrongs,” Muhu explained.
Self-awareness as remedy against toxic parenthood
She said the journey of self-awareness helps parents acknowledge their weaknesses and take responsibility for their shortcomings instead of passing blame to their children.
“Knowing that we have weaknesses and acknowledging them opens up time of reflection and seeking help. When we are able to address our issues and thrive, then we can raise children who will thrive and not just survive because we also survived,” advised the expert.
Having conversations with children and understanding their perception of one as a parent are also key, according to the counsellor.
“We get to know if we are loved or our children think we are toxic when we open up space for conversation and being willing enough to accept our shortcomings but not lose our grit as parents,” added Muhu.
Toxic parents delegate all their responsibilities to children
The expert also advised parents to allow children freedom of opinion, thought and expression and use these avenues to show them the right direction without necessarily condemning them.
She advised against delegating parental responsibilities to children because it robs away their childhood and alters their personalities as they grow and, unfortunately, continues the cycle of toxic parenthood.
“This is where the change begins and we can stop generational transmission of toxicity. We are a bridge between toxic parenthood and a happy generation,” reflected Muhu.
