Dear Heart to Heart, my boyfriend and I had been dating for close to three years when out of the blue, he invited me out for coffee and broke up with me. At the time, he did not give much of an explanation, apart from saying I had not introduced him to my family members. I was heartbroken but after a while, I got over it and started to live again. He is now back begging for a second chance. I do not know what to do. I still love him very much but lost all the trust I had in him. What should I do?Anonymous.
Dear Anonymous,One of the hardest decisions you will have to make is whether or not to take him back after he already ended things with you.Not only does it put you in a confusing situation, it is also really frustrating. If my ex boyfriend wants me back after he dumped me, I would have to sit down and figure a few things out first.You cannot just go running back into his arms like he is the best thing on this earth without first weighing the options and facts first.Experts say the human brain loves to be loved. Being in love leads to the release of happy hormones, dopamine, and oxytocin. But when the one you love leaves, the supply of feel-good hormones drops and the brain releases stress hormones such as cortisol and epinephrine.If in small doses, stress hormones are helpful, ensuring we respond quickly and effectively to threats.
However, in times of long-term distress such as a broken heart, the stress hormones accumulate and lead to more adverse effects.You mentioned that your boyfriend left abruptly and gave reasons for not having met your parents. This looks like you have not yet had a concrete discussion about the future of the relationship. In a healthy relationship, people discuss and talk about what they wish to see done in the relationship or by their partner.However, when one only expects to see certain things happening, it can create gaps in the relationship. A relationship needs nurturing from both partners. In this case, if you decide to accept your boyfriend back, use this time to let him know what his actions meant to you.Think about the state of your relationship before the breakup.
While a lot of people have issues leading up to a breakup, it does not necessarily mean the relationship itself was not healthy. Were you two caring and respecting toward each other? Did he appreciate you and what you did for him and vice versa?A healthy relationship is much easier to get back into after a breakup. Plus that just goes to show that he truly does care for you and that might make it simpler for you to overlook the fact that he dumped you.Take time to understand what exactly your boyfriend wants out of the relationship. Love is patient, so taking time to assess your boyfriend’s stability before you completely rekindle the relationship is important.There are basic things that you should observe.
When a man loves a woman, they show it and most especially through their actions. Someone’s behaviour should at least match what they say.You can also seek professional counselling with your boyfriend to get more nuggets on how to have a successful relationship where both parties support each other’s needs and happiness. Reader advice Sit down and talk John Yiga. Sometimes a man will have commitment issues and other times, the timing is wrong. The point is, he may have broken up with you for reasons he thought were sound and later realised he would rather work through the issues so he can keep you in his life. So, sit down and ask him why he broke up with you in the first place. If you feel the reasons he ended things make sense and are understandable, it will be easier to get back with him and work through your issues together.Was he a good partner?Anita Wasswa.
Think about the state of your relationship before the breakup. While a lot of people have issues leading up to a breakup, it does not necessarily mean the relationship was not healthy. Were you caring and respectful toward each other? Did he appreciate you and what you did for him and vice versa? A healthy relationship is much easier to get back into after a breakup. Plus that just goes to show you that he truly cares for you.He cannot pick at willJoy Nambi. He does not get to pick and choose when to have you in his life. And the more you keep going back to him after he dumps you to have a temporary fling with someone else, the more likely it is he will keep doing it.
He cannot have his cake and eat it.Think about it Joseph Goobi. Getting back with your ex is a huge deal and not something you should take lightly. It is something you should think long and hard about. Only take him back after he dumped you if it was for legitimate reasons and you can work through them.He does not love youHamuza Adam. Most men wish to see a woman he dumped crying and begging for a second chance. If you have moved on and seem fine, he definitely wants you back so that he can dump you again. What you have without trust is a mind-shift, not love.Set conditions Diarra Hams Tabbu. Giving him a second chance is not bad.
Maybe he has realised his mistake and has seen your inevitable goodness. Give him the chance but he should submit to some conditions, which you should set. Set guidelines Nampa Patience Natie. He needs to explain why he broke up with you in the first place and why he is coming back after all this time. You could give him a second chance but both of you need to be clear about what you want from the relationship so that you set rules to follow.Why give him a chance? Nikita Lyn Liam. Did you really get over him? Do not give room to unpredictable and irrational people whose decisions are spontaneously baseless. There is no need in strengthening a wall you intend to break down.Know your worth Andrew Peters. Do not allow a man who by the click of a finger can end a relationship and then come back running when it suits him. This is one sure way to end up pregnant or even sick. Let the past be just that.
