How long have you been a single father?
I am Digidi Dunhill from Orlu, Imo State. I have been a single father for 11 years.
How has it been being a single father?
Honestly, it hasn’t been a rosy experience.
Can you describe the situation that led to you becoming a single father?
My ex-wife and I had misunderstandings and decided to separate. Initially, we considered splitting the kids between us, but we realised that dividing them might affect their bond as brothers. So, I decided to take custody of all the children.
In a viral interview, you mentioned that you found out your wife left you because a prophet told her you were a ritualist. Can you tell us more about that?
My ex-wife isn’t a bad person. The recent interview circulating everywhere portrayed her as neglectful, but that’s not true. We communicate regularly about the children. She assists in any way she can. We’re on good terms, and there’s no animosity between us. Some people divorce and may later say negative things about their exes, which I think is immature. She is still the mother of our children. People should always keep that in mind. Divorcees should realise they were once in love with this person. Everyone makes mistakes, but maturity is understanding those mistakes when you grow older. We were younger then. Raising my children was a challenging period in my life, only now am I beginning to share it publicly.
Could you talk about what you were into before becoming a single father?
I was involved in entertainment, singing and acting in movies. However, I had to step back from my career because of my sons. It was a difficult decision. I don’t have any brothers; I only have a younger sister. My family is small; it’s just me. My parents were elderly then, and there was no one else to help raise the children.
What were some of the biggest challenges you faced in the early years of single parenting?
From Monday to Friday, I bathed the kids, dressed them, and took them to school. This meant I couldn’t earn much money. I had to sell my car and later my land to pay their school fees. For seven years, I didn’t work. I didn’t do anything. I sold my second car to cover expenses. It was tough. For five years, I didn’t buy any clothes or shoes for myself; it was all for them because children grow and their needs change constantly. That’s what I did for a long time, and many people didn’t know about it.
Can you walk us through a typical day managing four boys?
I woke up at 5 a.m., prepared food, bathed and dressed the children, then took them to school. Upon returning home, I cleaned the house and did the dishes, since the children were young. I arranged the house and prepared lunch by afternoon. By 2.30 p.m., I picked them up from school. By then, the day was almost over, and I realised this was my daily routine.
How do you manage the demands of parenting?
I always put on a brave face and try to appear strong. When men cry, no one sees it. There were nights when I stayed awake while others slept. Sometimes, I’d sit and watch my children. Occasionally, I cried. In the morning, I pulled myself together and faced the day, but no one knew what I was going through, not even the children. They saw me as Superman, believing I could handle anything. I couldn’t let them down, no matter what. Many single parents call me. I want to start a programme where I mentor single people.
Many have called me for advice over the past eight years.
Did you have any support systems in place, such as family, friends, or community organisations, to help you through this journey?
I had a few friends I could turn to when things got tough. I had to put all my projects on hold. I had a song with 2face, but I never released it. I have two albums; one is on Spotify, Amazon and iTunes. I don’t know how they got there, but they’re available. I I couldn’t focus on my projects because my attention was on my children.
Did you ever consider getting a nanny or help to take care of the boys for you?
Friends suggested I get a nanny. I hired a young girl who stayed with us. Eventually, neighbours complained that there were boys visiting when I took the children to school. One day, I caught her in the act. I told her I was going to the village but returned within 30 minutes to find a boy in the house. After that, I decided not to hire young people again. Instead, I hired an older woman with a child, recommended by the church. She cleaned the church and stayed there with her child. When I realised this, I invited her to live with us. We all shared a room, while another room stored their clothes but was never used for sleeping. Later, she moved into that room. I didn’t realise it was a mistake until she attempted to seduce me. I warned her once but had to ask her to leave after she tried again. From then on, I took care of the children myself, selling land, cars and other property. We went through hell, but thankfully, we survived.
How did your personal experience influence your parenting style?
I learned a lot from my parents. My mum and dad taught me a lot, but they passed away a few months ago. My mum died first, and my dad followed five months later. I observed my father’s routine; he woke up at 5.30 am. and attended morning Mass at 6 a.m. He returned at 7 am, had breakfast, and went about his business. He returned at 7 pm, had dinner by 7.30 pm, listened to the news, and went to bed by 9 pm That was his routine. When I returned from school, I spent time in my mum’s shop. We were a small family, just the three of us. My mother had another child 20 years after I was born. Growing up with my parents taught me a lot about managing a household and dealing with various situations.
What are the most important life lessons that you’ve taught your sons so far?
I taught them not to be overly religious, as it can lead to fanaticism. I taught them to emulate Christ and to be good men. Whether Christian or Muslim, religious extremism is dangerous. I taught them how to cook and to apologise when they hurt someone. I taught them to stay on the right side of the law and not to smoke. I’ve never smoked or used drugs. People might not expect me to be capable of raising children, but I taught them to be cautious in everything they do, as life is unpredictable.
Do you have plans to return to the entertainment scene?
During COVID-19 lockdowns, I wrote a script titled “Life of a Single Dad” and filmed it for YouTube. I reconnected with former colleagues and shot the series. We plan to turn it into a film to inspire those feeling discouraged. Although I’ve completed the series, funding is needed for promotion and to produce professional films for cinemas.
Looking back at when you started your single father journey, do you have any regrets?
I have no regrets. The children are grown now. Tyrese, 18, studied IT and is skilled in music production. Tyrese, 17, is tall and plays basketball. Chalice (15) and Jesse (12) are actors who have appeared on Africa Magic. I coached them all. I want to raise children who will make a positive impact. I don’t want to raise troublemakers.
Do your children still interact with their mum?
They communicate regularly.
Would you be willing to accept your ex if she decides to come back into your life as a mum to her kids?
People have differences, and we must respect their privacy. My ex-wife and I are on good terms. We talk and seek advice from each other on issues. We understand that our relationship wasn’t meant to be. Nature decides our fate.
Did you ever consider remarrying?
It never crossed my mind. No matter how good you are, there are things you can accept from your biological children that you wouldn’t accept from others. Children misbehave because they are children. When they are your children, there are things you can tolerate that you cannot with others. Sometimes they may make a mess, and you clean it up and warn them not to do it again. If they do it again, you still have compassion. However, if they are not your children, you may react differently. Considering all these factors, I never thought about remarrying.
Interview Culled from the Saturday Punch Newspapers today by VICTORIA EDEME
