Sometimes it can feel like our emotions are too big to deal with head on, so we resort to numbing them instead. Whether that’s with distractions like TV and social media, or more harmful devices like drugs and alcohol, many people struggle to find a healthy balance. No one likes to feel uncomfortable, but if we continuously refuse to confront our emotions, then we may end up with more serious problems like anxiety and depression.
There are ways to deal with negative emotions and allow yourself to feel. Not everyone is brought up with these skills, but everyone is capable of learning them. Click through this gallery for an introductory guide to confronting yourself in a gentle and healthy way.
There has been a great deal of focus on self-care and how to soothe ourselves through difficult times, and of course that’s extremely important. However, one thing that we often miss in our self-care routines is time to just let ourselves feel.
When we are confronted with uncomfortable feelings, we often turn to things that help us soothe the pain. That could be our favorite junk food or a glass of wine. It might mean spending hours and hours watching Netflix, going out with friends more often to avoid spending time alone, or living for your next vacation.
Stimulating our senses is an effective way to run away from our pain. A certain amount of stimulation and distraction is healthy and normal–it’s not like we can spend 24 hours a day on a psychiatrist’s couch. However, it’s still important to dedicate some time to really deal.
When we avoid difficult emotions for too long, they can often get worse. Dr. Caroline Fenkel describes it this way: when you close the door on your emotions and go watch Netflix, your emotions are doing push ups in the other room. Once you let them back in, they’ve gotten much stronger
First of all, try to identify your go-to numbing behaviors. These methods of distraction and stimulation can look different for everyone, so take some time to reflect on this. There are a million different things a person might turn to, from food, to sex, to work. Immersing yourself in some kind of entertainment is a popular form of escapism. Maybe you always have a podcast playing or the TV on in the background, allowing little time for silence and reflection. Some people simply pack their calendars and make to-do lists so they’re always kept busy.
We can often be quick to judge ourselves and push down our feelings. If we start to feel guilty, unworthy, depressed, or just mad as hell, it can be uncomfortable to explore that. It can be easier to swallow them and try to move on.Naming your emotions is a powerful therapeutic tool, and an important first step in addressing them. You might be aware of feeling angry, but try to be more specific. Do you feel betrayed, maybe disgusted? Or perhaps disappointment is what lies beneath the anger.
If you have a strong habit of ignoring your feelings, then it can help to set aside a specific time period where you allow yourself to go after them. Find a quiet safe place without distractions.You might find that mindfulness meditation helps you get in touch with yourself. You can also put on some music that tends to make you emotional, or look at some olds photos. You might feel like crying, or even yelling! The idea is to let flow whatever comes up. Initially, you can set a timer for 10 or 15 minutes, whatever feels accessible for you.
We have a tendency to jump to the feelings we have about our feelings. For example, you feel angry, but straight away you start to feel guilty about feeling angry because you think it’s irrational. You feel sad about something in your life, but then you feel guilty because other people have it worse.It’s very difficult to truly absorb this fact, but we are not our emotions. We are complex beings who cycle through a range of emotions all the time. They may often seem “irrational,” but they don’t define us.You are allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling and it doesn’t make you a bad person. What you do with that feeling, i.e. your behavior, is what matters. You don’t need to feel bad for simply feeling.
Once you have identified your feelings, you can try to figure out what message they’re sending you. Turning towards your emotions, and analyzing them can give you essential insights into what you need at that time.If you notice you’re feeling anxious about the state of the world or about your appearance, you may realize that you need to take a step back from social media. Perhaps you realize that you’re feeling irritable and suffocated at the moment, and you need a bit of space from your partner.
Our bodies and our emotions are intrinsically linked. Physical symptoms often give us hints about our emotional state, and we can also use our bodies to work through our emotions. Focusing on the physical sensations in your body is a semi-magical way you can regulate your emotions!Getting outside in the fresh air for a walk or run is one great option. If that’s not your style, try to engage your senses in another way. You could take a hot shower and pay attention to the way it feels on your skin, for instance. Another trick some people use to ground themselves is to hold an ice cube.
It’s okay to hit snooze on a feeling. We don’t always have the time or space to deal with a negative emotion when it pops up. It’s important to identify and accept that feeling, but you don’t need to fully engage with it immediately.Small irritations can sometimes be dealt with quickly, but bigger issues may need more dedicated time. It’s okay to allow yourself to address it when you have the time.
