In the wake of recent allegations against movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, people are bravely coming forward to share their own stories with the hashtag #MeToo.
Most of these survivors are women, but it’s important to remember that male sexual assault happens and is rarely talked about.
In the eyes of the law, only a man can commit rape, as penetration with the penis has to occur, but men can still be raped and sexually assaulted.
In a recent Reddit thread, men opened up about their devastating experiences of being sexually assaulted by women – and how it has affected their lives in the long term.
Here are just five of those stories.
1. “I lost a lot because ‘girls can’t rape boys'”
“A good friend of mine’s wife used to hit on me a lot. We were all old friends from school and I never really told her off, just kind of laughed it off since she’d do it in front of my wife and her husband.
“We had a party at their house one night, I passed out watching Anchorman. Woke up sometime later (movie was still on, so not too much later) to her tugging and sucking on my d***.
“I asked what she was doing, she just looked at me. I rolled away, zipped up, went to the bathroom.
“Did that thing you sometimes do when you’re drunk where you talk to yourself mentally while looking in the mirror (maybe that’s just me?).
“Went back out to the living room, she had retired to her bedroom and I laid on the couch until our friends returned from a liquor run.
“I stuck close to my buddy who I’d gone out there with, we both slept out in the living room. Told him what had happened on the way home. Not sure he believed me, which kind of sucked. Tearfully told my wife about it once I got home, not sure she believed me either.
“She posts on Facebook that morning: ‘I’ll keep you my dirty little secret.’
“Fast forward a few months, her husband knows. Her sister knows. Everybody in our circle knows, because she told them.
“Her sister punched me in the face when I said it didn’t go down that way and that I’m pretty sure what actually happened could be considered rape.
“I don’t hang out with those people anymore. I’m not married to that wife anymore. I never see my friend (whose wife was responsible) anymore. I lost kind of a lot over that because ‘girls can’t rape boys’.”
2. “He explained to me I was raped”
“I was 14 and drunk at a party hosted by my best friend D’s older brother who had returned from camp.
“Me and a friend had been drinking box wine all night when I decided to head to bed. I was so f***ed up I was having a hard time moving.
“I’m pretty sure D helped me into his room. I had had a disagreement with a chick earlier that evening about music and I guess she was “excited” over our argument.
“She came in shortly after me. I remember her flipping me over and pulling my pants down. I also remember her on top of me and feeling used, worthless and weak for not enjoying it more.
“I explained to D’s older brother Nate what had happened the night before and how f***ed up it was and how I felt.
“It had never been a thought that I had been raped. I was more freaked out that I didn’t enjoy it. Nate was p***ed.
“He explained to me I was raped. We talked for a few hours about it. Nate comforted me the best he could and it didn’t bother me until I had sex again years later.
“I’ll spare you the details but when I started to become more sexually active I kept having flash backs. It wasn’t going to work.
“Things changed when I met my wife. I was finally able to talk to talk about it in a way that wasn’t rooted in anger or sadness.
“For some reason that helped. My wife is an amazing partner and I’m glad to report that we have a healthy sex life.”
3. “I’d tell her to stop, sometimes breaking down and crying”
“Dated a girl for three years. My first. I was the first one amongst my friends to be in a relationship which I think kept me in it for so long. Feeling that I should be grateful and having something to prize.
“Anyhow, turns out she was manipulative, emotionally violent and at rare occasions physically violent. None of which I could see at the time.
“I had zero experience or things to compare it to. It took me about a year after she dumped me to have the thought: ‘That… was probably not good.’
“Took me 15 years to finally realise a lot of the times we had sex quite clearly constituted rape. No blurred lines. Just straight up rape. Me telling her to stop and she continuing with threats or by me being tied up.
“I’ve come to realise it wasn’t even about the sex. It was about control. She didn’t seem interested at all, sometimes watching TV and just keeping at it.
“I’d tell her to stop, sometimes just breaking down and crying. She’d do stuff like tell me mid “sex” she was off the pill and keep on going. Now I’m quite certain she wasn’t though.
“Anyhow, took me 12 f***ing years to realise men could be raped at all and 15 to begin thinking about my experiences. Unlocked a lot of explanations for my behaviour later in life…
“Been to therapy with OK results but not brilliant. Sometimes I feel I should have just kept it buried in the back of my head and sometimes it feels healthy to be able to talk about it.”
4. “She just shrugged”
“I crashed at her mom’s house after a small party there, nothing crazy. I stripped to my boxers in my sleep, as I have done it sober before.
“I remember feeling a tingling, almost like peeing when you have one of those dreams of yourself peeing, and you wake up because the sensation wakes you up? Not sure how else to describe it. I woke up just in time to cut myself off from climaxing.
“I pushed her up and I scooted back. She moaned that she was so close and just wanted to get off, and that I shouldn’t be so upset about it.
“I said: ‘You didn’t wake me up?’ She said she thought it was hot.
“She even said: ‘Besides, your d*** was already hard when I came in. I know you wanted it.’ I said: ‘You could have gotten pregnant.’
“She just shrugged. I got up and started gathering my stuff, and was pretty p***ed. I was tired, now on edge and slightly hungover.
“I’m not untrusting of women, I don’t feel like a victim. I feel annoyed and used.”
5. “It took him days to build up the courage to tell me”
“I lived in a house with some guys in college and I had a bad habit of falling asleep in the common area on the couch when I was drunk instead of going to my bed.
“After going out with my roommates one night a few people came back to our house to continue drinking.
“I blacked out and my friends helped me onto the couch so they could keep an eye on me and put a trash can next to me.
“There was a girl there that was friends with some of the girls we hung out with all night. She was very flirtatious with the guys there but none of us were attracted to her.
“I passed out and after everyone went to their beds I was still alone on the couch.
“My friend passed through the common area at about 4 am to get some water from the kitchen. He said he walked in and saw this girl riding on my lifeless body with my eyes closed and my head bobbing back and forth.
“It took him a few days to build up the courage to tell me but I’m glad he did. It was kind of a joke at first but later on I started to realise that I actually had been raped. Kinda f***ed up that it gets downplayed for men so much.”
6. “I sobered up in that one second”
“We are in the cab going back to our apartment. Roommate and girlfriend are loudly fighting about something, while her friend and I are sitting in uncomfortable silence.
“It is at this point, things get really blurry, it was as if all of the night’s alcohol hit me all at once. I remember us getting back to our apartment parking lot and my roommate and his girlfriend are shouting at each other.
“I throw the driver a bill and stumble back to our apartment with [roommate’s] girlfriend’s friend in tow, leaving them to fight outside. I don’t know where the friend crashed, I just walked straight in and straight to my bed. I don’t think that I even took my club clothes off.
“Don’t know how much time passed, but get the feeling of something wet around my crotch area and on my stomach. My initial thought, before opening my eyes, was that I p***ed myself.
“Upon opening my eyes, I see my roommate’s girlfriend on top of me, riding me.
“I sobered up in that one second and quickly shoved her off of me. I just remember saying: ‘What the f*** are you doing?!’ and her saying VERY loudly: ‘Well someone else won’t f*** me!’ as if she wanted my roommate to hear “I told her to get out, and she did whilst calling me an a**hole. I lay there for a minute trying to analyse what just happened, when I start to feel sick.
“Not sure if it was the alcohol or the incident that just occurred, but I ran to the bathroom to puke. I returned to my bed and fell back asleep.”
MALE SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT ON COPING WITH SHAME
