I have been with this girl for some years and we have a child together. She does not cheat but she puts me under a lot of pressure whenever I am around. She complains a lot and now I fear being around her. She claims to have lost feelings for me and hates my family. I also lost feeling s for her because of her actions. I feel like ending the relationship but I am not used to staying alone and I am worried about my son. What should I do? Nichol.Dear Nichol,
I can only imagine what you are going through. I hope you find help in the write-up. Under normal circumstances, a relationship should be for warmth and connectedness. A partner should always look forward to seeing and talking to the other.It becomes difficult when it turns out to be toxic and unbearable. Usually, relationships can start in a healthy manner, but bad feelings or long-term unmet needs can pollute the relationship and negatively affect the people in it.It can happen easily and quickly, and it can happen to the strongest people.
Toxic behavior exists on a spectrum. At least most people and most relationships do some of these things some of the time – but that does not make them toxic. A toxic relationship is defined by the consistency, intensity, and damage that it causes to the family or a significant other.Well in this submission I am not sure if your girlfriend’s behavior is new to you or this is how she has been. The timeline to this episode is significant as it can be a tell tale sign of a shift of behaviour.It is important to note that any behaviour change is a sign of underlying issues that might be overt or even unseen.
The case of your girlfriend suggests that she is undergoing an extreme challenge.This could be a sign of chronic stress or any other relationship issue that is unresolved. Just in case this is new, behaviour, it is important to note what changed in your relationship either by you or your girlfriend. Even if you are planning to quit the relationship, take care of your mental health plus that of your girlfriend.Start by inviting your girlfriend for a talk over these issues.
The goal should be to listen in a without interrupting her. Try not to use judgmental statements since this only fuels deep arguments.Think about the child in this relationship, he depends heavily on your relationship. In case it is toxic as mentioned above, then the child is at risk of developing adverse childhood effects that go on into how he relates in adulthood too.You might need to go back to the drawing board of what you want in this relationship beyond the fear of staying alone. I want you to please do self- introspection as this will enable you to relate in a more health way.
The other best option is to seek professional help to help assess both you and your girlfriend but above all give you a secure space to express yourselves in a nonjudgmental way.Evelyn Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, Counselling psychologist
