When it comes to likeability, it might seem that some people are more blessed than others. You might have the sense that we naturally gravitate to certain people over others. While that may be true to some extent, there are also certain behaviors that likeable people never exhibit. Luckily, if you are guilty of one or more of these behaviors, there are plenty of things you can do to change that.
Intrigued? Check out this gallery to find out which traits make people unlikeable, and how to avoid them.
If there is one conversation technique to avoid when it comes to being liked, it’s humblebragging. In other words, don’t hide a brag or achievement behind a casual comment.An example of a humblebrag might be, “I need to buy a new car, but I’m having such a hard time choosing between a Mercedes and a Porsche.”If you want to celebrate a success or achievement, address it directly. Any other approach just comes off as inauthentic and cringey.
It is also a good idea, if you can, to avoid an overserious attitude. Of course, it is important to apply yourself and take your work and relationships seriously. However, try not to let your focus bleed into your casual, everyday conversations. When chatting to others, don’t be afraid to smile and/or crack a joke.You will likely find that the more comfortable you are joking around with other people, the more likeable you will become.
Another important behavior to avoid is lack of engagement. Perhaps stating the obvious, but nobody likes to feel ignored during a conversation.Try to practice active listening during your conversations with others; ask pertinent questions, and take the time to summarize what they’ve said in your own words.If you can, try to maintain eye contact throughout your conversation with another person, and leave your phone in your pocket and on silent mode.
Another trait that turns people off is a lack of emotional intelligence. In fact, emotionally unintelligent people are often impossible to get along with. Emotionally unintelligent people will often exhibit behaviors such as making conversations all about themselves, bullying people, and lying to avoid consequences. Some people may be blessed with more natural emotional intelligence than others, but as a general rule, aim to act like a respectable adult, rather than a glorified child.
Another unattractive behavior, and perhaps one that is easier to eradicate, is name-dropping, i.e. mentioning that you know or have come across someone influential or famous.Bear in mind that name-dropping almost always comes across as needy and desperate, and should be avoided at all costs.Indeed, name-dropping will not gain you any respect or credit from those around you. It will just make it look like you’re relying on someone else’s status to elevate your own.
Another undesirable behavior that many of us are guilty of is spreading rumors. Lots of people talk about certain people as a means of connecting with others.While spreading rumors may win you a few connections in the short term, in the long run it will make you seem shallow, mean, and insecure.Instead of spreading rumors and talking about people behind their back, try to lift people up by giving compliments and sharing positivity.
While there is nothing wrong with opening up to people close to you and being vulnerable, it is important to establish that relationship first. Otherwise you may be at risk of oversharing, which can make people uncomfortable and less ready to enter into a conversation with you.Some people think that sharing intimate personal information with others is a great way to build a connection, but actually that isn’t normally the case.
No one wants to be around someone who is moaning all the time. So if you’re looking to become more likeable, quit complaining.Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t get away with the odd “traffic was terrible this morning” comment. Just don’t go overboard.Rather than complaining, try to embrace positivity by practicing gratitude, offering compliments, and engaging in mindful breathing.
It is also important to avoid one-upping, or, in other words, showing off and making sure you always come across better than the other person. An example of one-upping would be, “That’s great that you ran your marathon in 4.5 hours, I actually ran mine in 4 hours!”Instead of instantly making the conversation about you, take the time to give compliments and acknowledge the other person’s achievements.
Last but not least, don’t be unreliable. People are unlikely to warm to you if you’re constantly letting them down and not turning up. Forgetting the odd commitment is unlikely to ruin a relationship, but not showing up for a person time and time again is a surefire way to make enemies.In order to stay organized and on top of your commitments, make sure you know how to say no when you have too much on your plate.
